A letter to Reyn.

From Piedmont Press:

September 2, 2025

Dearest Reyn,

We are excited to report that your second book, REYN: I’M FELINE GREAT, continues as a best seller, remaining on Barnes & Noble’s top fifty for the past 43 weeks. Since it premiered less than a year ago at #93, its sales have been phenomenal. It now ranks 17th! Projections now show it reaching number one by Thanksgiving. Christmas at the latest.

Sales remain highest in the Female Juvenile fiction category, where it exceeds all industry projections. It outpaced even that Harry Potter release of about the same time. Both books still maintain positions in the top five after eight months on the shelves. And again, we expect even more volume during the holidays. Please, keep up the good work, but take plenty time for yourself.

The emotional trauma you suffer as a result of Candidate Trump’s insane “eating the cats, eating the dogs” rant is unforgivable. We continue to hope and are diligently praying for your full recovery.

You should know that Piemont Press (AKA Tacklebarn Publishing) has donated eight million dollars in your name to establish a scholarship and a twenty-year grant for the emerging field of Feline PTSD at Sweethaven Medical.

The ESA (Erradical Support Animal) Association acknowledges Feline PTSD. Unfortunately, their focus is on dogs, and now to allow them into hospital operating rooms. And still, no apology from Resident Trump’s orifice. At Piedmont, we understand the emotional damage this charlatan caused you.

Your five-year contract remains in full effect. We will increase your royalties by ten percent for each fiscal year, backdated to your start date. This rate to continue for the rest of your current / present life cycle. Although presently stalemated with Trump Enterprises in court, we still expect our 20-million-dollar suit to be successful.

You will be particularly excited to know that we have permanently canceled all of your personal appearances. Furthermore, we are denying all requests for TED Talks, college engagements, book tours, and book signings. Public appearances are only totally and singularly at your option.

Your recovery and happiness are our only concern. Piedmont Press and Tacklebarn Publishing are synonymous with caring for and about you. We are here for you, Reyn. Just call, text, or email me or my associates. Anytime, anywhere!

Thanks, be well, be happy, and free,

Your faithful agent,

Niles Leany

cc: Gladguru
(bcc: Mr. Perry)

-dp-

9-17-25

(3o) -338/394