Eat at Joe’s (part one)

(two-minute read)

If we can not identify this type of bird as simply being one in the bush, then we must cross-reference it to some similar species, or at least find some way to relate it to a genome featuring related sequencing characteristics. Otherwise, we should universally call the bird Bill, short for a new subspecies: Billbirds, or in the Latin vernacular, Bilborious-birdus, after the famous eighteenth-century Canadian philosopher Bill Bored.

The same Bill Bored who contrived billboards as a popular form of advertising, first as large flat boards tied together and hung over the shoulders, which might read “Eat at Joe’s” or some other local advertisement, or slogan, sometimes something political like “Trump Sucks.” 

Over time, such simple billboards evolved into road signs. The famous Burma-Shave signs come to mind, which were displayed in a series along early to mid-century roads and highways. These signs told short and clever rhyming ads, always ending with a product endorsement for Burma-Shave.

Eventually, this sort of rudimentary advertising signage evolved into the giant flashing media signs that distract us on the interstate, further complicating our touch-screen quest, the distraction of linking Bluetooth to our phone to our car entertainment system while dodging traffic at eighty-five miles per hour. These huge Jumbotrons, as they are called, have their roots in the Las Vegas strip, Times Square, and Hollywood’s Sunset Strip.

Bill was also a successful proponent of stylizing a new form of storing paper money as it was quickly replacing silver and gold coinage. At first, paper money was awkward and inconvenient to use. People carefully carried it flat, cradling it carefully in the open palms of their hands. It would easily be blown away or be snatched by a thief when carried this way. Bill created a more intuitive method of doubling paper money, folding it in half, so that it could be easily slipped into a pocket.

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